Apologies

I'm sorry guys that I haven't posed at all recently. I've been on and off busy. My sleeping schedule is so screwed up right now. That's why I'm posting after midnight.

Within the past two weeks I have taken the PSAT, started training for work, had my car searched for drugs at school, and started talking to this guy I like.

Lets start with the PSAT. Yes, it was a huge pain. Then again testing for 3 hours straight is never exactly fun. It was easier than last year though. I guess that's a good thing.

Ah, work. I work at the local Journeys store. It's fun and seems pretty easy. Well, I guess you could say it IS pretty easy. There's no uniform. I love that. I get to be social. Even more fun. The only part I don't like is the stock room. Well just let me tell you. If you're afraid of heights, a place where you have to get the product for the costumer (ie a shoe store) is a bad place for you. The stock room is about maybe 12-16 feet high. I'm terrified of heights and I have to climb ladders. Eek! But other than that I'm enjoying it quite well.

Ah, yes, the best part. Last Thursday (10/18/12) my school had the K-9 unit do a sweep of our parking lot. They tagged my car. Of course, I was freaking out wondering how drugs could've gotten in my car. They didn't find any in there of course. But I was still freaking out. It was an overall good day. (Insert intense sarcasm).

Needless to say, I've been talking to this guy for a couple weeks. We've hung out a couple times and we know we like each other. It's why this is so frustrating because I don't know whether or not I can say I'm taken or still single. Such a gray area! Ugh! Haha anyway! He's really sweet. We have a lot of similar interests but social opposites. I don't know how we'll it will work out, but we'll see.

I'm off for now guys.
Later!

ASVAB Testing

So, today I had to take the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery). It's a career placement test. I found it easier this year compared to last year. But then again they haven't changed the test since 2002. It was the exact same material. If I could remember exact details like that, I'd think I even had the exact same test booklet. However, I won't know my scores until November.  Oh, well, I felt like telling you all how my head basically exploded from the mass of this test. I don't work well under pressure. Considering that each portion is timed, I was pretty stressed. It also bothers me that each time limit is so random.  9, 11, 24, 17, 32 minutes varying on the sections. It was just RANDOM! Can't you just say 10 minutes, 25 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes? Seriously?
Oh, well, the test questions were extremely basic. They say it's supposed to prepare you for the SAT. No. Just no. It doesn't. It's a LOT easier than the SAT. I'm taking the PSAT again tomorrow. (I took it last year) The PSAT is a lot harder than the ASVAB.
Oh well. Enough for now, I have to go to Chemistry. Au Revoir.

Writing 4

October 15, 2012

Thinking. I'm not speaking.
What am I supposed to say.
My words, you'll never understand
Society pushed my kind aside
They'll never understand us.
Their language is all new
Baby you've lost me.
I don't understand
What am I supposed to say
My mouth is open
No sound comes out.
No one is around.
How can I ask for help?
Do you know anything?
Can you do anything?
Stare at my hands.
Something is missing
Look around
Many things are missing
My life. What happened
What has it become?
I want to curl up?
I want to hide.
I know I need to stand
I know I need to fight
My impatience gets the best of me
Eventually I'll break
The countdown begins
3...2...1...

Writing 3

October 12, 2012

Do you really think you can run?
Did you really think you could hide?
How could you escape?
When it's all inside your mind?
You can't escape your fears
They'll get you soon.
You can't escape what's in your mind
You can't escape yourself!
When you try to scream
But you don't make a sound.
Is this your worst nightmare?
No one hears your cries.
All you need is help.
Cries and pleas but no one hears you.
Your fears coming alive.
Close your eyes
Tell yourself it's only a dream.
Silly child, gullible child
Open your gullible eyes
Face your fears they won't just disappear.
When will you realize: It's all real.
You can't avoid it.
You can't run from it.
It's here. In front of you.
You're just too blind to see.
Your eyes betray you.
They trick your mind.

Writing 2

October 11, 2012
Running in circles
Can't find my way
I've lost you once
Won't lose you twice
Don't know what I'm
Doing. Don't know
Where I'm going.
Running in circles
I don't know
So confused.
Is the world really
Spinning?
The sounds are
Getting louder
Sights are getting
Brighter.
My touch is so
Sensitive. Shouldn't
I be numb? Why
Can I feel?
Why are my senses
So strong. I
Can't breathe
Through the pain.

Writing 1

October 10, 2012

You'll never fully
Understand the story
Behind her eyes.
You'll never truly
Believe what she
Actually says.
You treat her as
If she never cries
She really dies a
Little more every
Night while she's
Alone. She's never
Really happy when
Her past is always
There. You never take
The time to listen
When she really
Needs you to care.
She just needs you
To listen. If only
You could realize
Her story isn't
Fake. She doesn't
Lie about it.
Her face betrays
Her fears. Your eyes
Betray your lies.
All I never knew
Is now all to clear.

Note

I'm going to start putting my notebook writings on this blog, also. These first three or four are from last week. They're in my notebook which I'm taking these writings from. They're just random thoughts I've written down. I'd work on the same writing all day. I wouldn't start a new one until the next day. So, they may run together. They may not.
Thanks

Leave It Alone

Okay, so for the past few days  people have been talking about Amanda Todd. In case you don't know who she is:  Amanda Todd was a young girl who committed suicide because she was consistently bullied (both on the Internet and in person) and suffered from anxiety and depression.
Yes, she committed suicide. It's sad. Yeah, I know that some people think she's weak and a coward for doing it. However, she still died.
I'm 100% positive that the people that talk all this crap about her killing herself don't even know her. You couldn't even begin to imagine what she went through unless you went through it yourself. I'm pretty sure you haven't.  Maybe not YOU the reader personally.
So, her story is all about how when she was 13 years of age, she flashed her breasts to these guys on webcam with her friend. Little did she know that one of those guys would become a complete stalker. Now, I think she was wrong to flash them in the first place, but she didn't deserve all of this BS coming to her. She made a mistake when she was 13. I'm pretty sure there are girls (and guys) out there that STILL flash their private body parts to random strangers on the internet. I see it on Social Networking Sites all the time.
The guy that became a stalker found out her address, family members, friends, school address, etc. He made a Facebook page just about her breasts. She lost her friends. She became the 'slut' of her school. All because of that one mistake when she was 13.  This started the bullying.
She transferred schools. All was fine, until the pictures got around to her new school. Her 'best friend' on whom she had a crush. He seduced her, and they hooked up. You can't completely blame her because he lured her in. She was young and foolish. She was head over heels for this guy who was supposed to be her best friend.  But it does take two.  His girlfriend found out, came to her school (with her friends and her boyfriend) and physically bullied her.  She went home that night and drank bleach hoping to die, but her dad called an ambulance and they pumped her stomach clean. She attempted suicide on a few other occasions. She was still constantly bullied after this. On Facebook, people posted pictures of bleach and ditches. They told her to drink some more and die in a ditch. She had no one to turn to anymore. All of her friends abandoned her. She exhausted any other option she had. She had anxiety and depression so bad that she couldn't leave her house.
She took her own life.
She had posted a video of her story on YouTube. I'm sure if you haven't seen it already, you can easily find it.
Did she really deserve all of that bullying? No, she deserved to pay for her mistakes, but those kids took it way too far! Even after she is dead, people aren't leaving her alone.

JUST DROP IT!
Seriously, she's dead. Just move on with your life. You probably didn't even know her. Is the fact that she committed suicide and all of those details really going to affect your life so much that you have to make fun of her still?  No? Oh, then shut up and move on with your life. You're not helping anyone by talking about it. The topic will die off in a week or so.

Marijuana

Okay, so yesterday, I was on a Social Networking Site (SNS) and someone had posted a status saying something like "Comment your name to sign the petition to legalize weed." However, it was written in one of the most illiterate ways possible in all capitals. There was list of less than 20 names, but there was also about three or four comments saying there needs to be a dislike button. Those are the comments of which I agree. Marijuana should not be legalized! One of the girls that commented her name started an argument with me. Her argument was because it was natural; and because doctors give it to cancer patients. She is about the age of 17 or so.
Well, I just wanted to let you know that only SOME doctors actually prescribe Marijuana. They prescribe it in extremely small doses, and it's used to help with the pain. They also prescribe it to patients that suffer from depression. Like I said, it helps with the pain. Do you know how it helps with the pain? It kills the brain cells that handle pain. It helps block the reality that the brain is actually accepting the pain.
Oh, and for the argument that it's natural:  You know those poison berries that you can find in the woods that can kill you in no time? Yeah, they're natural, too. So, just because they're natural, doesn't mean it's good for you!
Honestly, I think that if the government makes it legal, America will become one of the worst nations (if it isn't already).  The only reason these teenagers want it legalized is so that they won't risk going to jail and ruining their already ruined futures.

I think I'm done for now.
I'll post again later.

What a Day

Today, wow, just today. Today wasn't really a horrible day. Started this blog in study hall and made my first post. Almost finished the base of my sculpture in Art, too. AND not to mention that I also got a job I've been waiting on since school began. Yes, I now work at Journeys'; and yes, I'm quite happy about that.

I feel a lot better right now. So, I won't bother complaining about anything right now.
I'm going to start up my other blog section, too. That blog will be full of my more creative writings and not just a venting blog.

I want to wish everyone that reads this a Goodnight. I'm off to kill Zombies on xbox.

Beginner

Awkwardly enough, I've never truly blogged before today. I've always written in notebooks or screamed into a pillow. However, I got the idea from some of the English teachers at my school. Two of the teachers require their students to blog at least ten times per quarter. They don't have to blog about anything in particular; just whatever is on their mind at the time. My teacher, however, does not require us to do so. Therefore, I decided to start my own. I need some form of venting before I end up in a psych ward for having a psychotic break.

You see, I tend to bottle things up. I refuse to cry. I hate crying. I refuse to simply show that I hurt or that I'm upset. I listen to music, play videogames, or simply try to distract myself in any way possible.

Right now, I'm sitting in Study Hall. It's like a free block. My school is on a block scheduling. We have a total of eight classes, but only four a day. Each class is between an hour and thirty minutes to two hours depending on the block. Today's a B-day meaning that we have 2nd, 4th, 6th, and 8th blocks today. For me, that's US/VA History, Study Hall, Chemistry, and Art. Only about 20 minutes left a Study Hall and then I'm off to Chemistry. It's a fairly easy day. I, also, received my class ring today. It's a lot smaller in the width of the band than I expected, but then again I guess girls' rings are supposed to be smaller than guys'.

I promise I won't always blog like this. Just giving the background information. I just needed something to start off with.

I'm listening to my 'Sad' playlist on my iPod. It's been like that recently. My school's JROTC Major died last weekend, and I guess it's been a bit sollemn around the school. Though, if you looked at us as a whole, you wouldn't notice a thing that's different about us. Get a few select students together, preferably JROTC juniors or seniors, you'd notice that it has taken affect on most of them. Major Pruitt was like family to them. Now, I'm not nor was I ever a part of JROTC; but I saw how the JROTC was like a family, how Major and SRGT were like a second family to those students. They were closely knit organization. Better than the band kids. Probably even better than some of the students' actual families. I went to the funeral home to support them Tuesday. Yesterday was his funeral. We've had memorials and moments of silence out of respect for Pruitt.

I'd like to end this post by sending much love to the JROTC, Air Force, and Major Pruitt's family. If you pray, then please take the time to pray for them. If you don't pray, please at least think of them.